Kaylee Muthart, a woman who tragically tore out her own eyes during a drug-induced psychotic episode, has shared her incredible story of recovery and her ongoing struggle with the way her mind forces her to “see” despite losing her vision.

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The Unthinkable Incident

On February 6, 2018, Kaylee, then 21, was under the influence of contaminated methamphetamine, which had kept her awake for nearly 48 hours. The drug fueled her deepest fears, causing a hallucination so terrifying that she believed she had to remove her eyes to save the world.

“I thought I had to take my eyes out to survive and save the world,” Kaylee told PEOPLE.

Recalling the traumatic event, Kaylee explained how she pushed her fingers into her eyes, twisted, and pulled until each eye was dislodged. Though the drugs numbed the physical pain, the psychological scars were life-altering.

A Journey to Sobriety

Following the incident, Kaylee was rushed to the hospital, where surgeons removed the remnants of her eyes. After weeks in a psychiatric facility, surgery to prepare her for prosthetics, and a month-long inpatient rehab program, Kaylee began her path to sobriety.

Her mother, Katy Tompkins, shared how far her daughter has come:
“She has been given a second chance… She completely understands her path now. Part of that path is to help people with her story.”

Adjusting to a Sightless World

Kaylee’s recovery hasn’t just been physical—it’s also a journey of self-discovery. She’s learning how to navigate life without vision and finding new ways to connect with the world around her.

“I try to do everything on my own. If I get hurt in the process, it’s just learning,” Kaylee shared with Cosmopolitan.

Yet, her longing to see persists:
“I would like to see my loved ones age, see what color my cat is… It’s like someone describing a character on a TV show—you just won’t know until you see it.”

Visual Hallucinations and Finding Light in Darkness

Despite her blindness, Kaylee experiences vivid visual hallucinations, which she views as a coping mechanism:
“Because I have seen before, my mind will not accept not seeing. I kind of think of that as God not letting me be in the darkness.”

In 2020, she underwent surgery to fit prosthetic eyes that match the appearance of her original ones, helping her feel more like herself.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, help is available. Reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

Featured image credit: GoFundMe